Urgent Support

Navigating your long-distance relationship

Raj and Ira had met at their coaching classes and been in a relationship since. While Ira got into IIT-B, Raj had gotten admission in another university. They were both determined to make long-distance work. They were trying to adapt to their new surroundings and navigate different roles and demands while also putting in the work needed for the relationship. It was definitely a lot of effort, but they wanted to give it their all.

Initiation

Long-distance relationships have many challenges but can be a learning experience too. It can help you build trust, patience, communication, and build emotional closeness.

Navigating your way through university life while also trying to maintain your long-distance relationship can be a really challenging experience. Here are some ways to make the inevitable ups and downs easier

Coping Mechanisms

Being on the same page before moving out
  • Decide how much to communicate, when (e.g what times of the day both would be free to talk), how often etc. with your partner.
  • Be open to discussing how you feel about the relationship and where you see it going.
Communicating effectively during the separation:
  • Since you already have less time together, be fully attentive when communicating with them.
  • Be honest about your feelings of jealousy or a fear of missing out; while at the same time taking responsibility for such feelings and not expecting your partner to constantly reassure you. Communicate positive emotions like fondness and admiration for your partner and remind them that they are important to you.
  • Resolve conflicts in the relationship as a team

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  • Try varying your modes of communication like email, video, letters, etc.
Using technology to your advantage

Technology can help connect when you’re physically apart. Show interest in your partner’s life, such as sending meaningful messages or random things (photos, articles, memes!) that reminded you of them, engaging in shared activities online, and setting time aside for each other(like a video date whenever possible) are different ways to use technology to your advantage. But instant or quick responses may not always be possible.

Building on your own life at IIT

Invest time and effort in building a healthy support network, make new friends and join different activities. If you’re feeling content otherwise, it’ll help with your relationship too.

Being open to change

You are at a point in your life which is marked by immense change, both personally and professionally. Understand that change is a part of growing up and when you meet in person again, you might both have developed in different directions. This does not necessarily threaten the relationship but rather can enrich it. Treat this as a new opportunity to understand the other person.

Acknowledging that it's difficult

Remember that it’s okay to have bad days and feel sad, frustrated and drained. Engage in things that help you feel better and think about your own reasons for sticking on.

Understand that sometimes, it may not work out despite trying it all

If you feel like your relationship consistently takes more away from you than the comfort it gives, leaves you feeling drained or left with feelings of guilt or inadequacy, it would be beneficial to reevaluate the relationship. Although difficult, accepting the end of the relationship and moving on can be beneficial for both partners.

Seek help

  • Sometimes talking to another individual can be of great help. At such times, your ISMP / ISCP / DAMP mentor is your go-to person!
  • Also, talking to a counselor at the Student Wellness Centre can help you cope with difficulties and find guidance about what you can do.
  • If you are comfortable talking to your parents about your relationship, they may also offer valuable guidance.